The Life of Tyler As You Know It

Life is hard. But Ice blocks are harder.

2005-04-17T11:17:00.000-04:00

Well since the "greatest weekend ever" I managed to have the worst week ever... and then another pretty good weekend. I started last week off right by getting a speeding ticket on my way to work monday... in Easley... some rookie cop decided to set up a speed trap and said I was doin 56 in a 35 even though I had just left a red light about 100 yds back. So whatever. But, surprisingly my dad wasnt too pissed about it... I think someone at work laced his coffee with zanex and valium. Thank You to whoever did that. Anywho... so then monday I had to pull an all nighter in the library, but I was in good company so whatever it was ok. Then tuesday sucked cuz I had a test and all these projects and I was bout to pass out. So tuesday night I slept for like 18 hours. Took wednesday off to work on an accounting project and then studied spanish all night with eliza... took the test the next day and not a dang thing i studied was on the test... that spanish test was harder than any calculus or accounting test I ever saw. anywho... so then thursday night we went to Los bravos again.... which was ok.... corey bought the offensive line some drinks which might be gay and this crosseyed girl kept askin me to take her picture. Friday was our alumni baseball tailgate... clemson beat UVA 13 to 4. Nice... and some kid that went over there and drank with all the older guys got so drunk that he passed out in the portopotty w/ the door locked and they had t ogo for help. That is why i do not partake in such activity. then home again cuz saturday was zbt-ball slash a party. ZBT ball was ok i guess... I coached theta and they scared me cuz.... They were bigger than me. But AXO and DZ were cool. And we pregamed and then went and played the tournament and my thetas made it to the final round and then me and allen played for the other team and they lost so theta was all pissed. The cussed me out when they left and said they wre never coming back...hmmm... big loss. Then we chilled all day and I helped porter build the ice block stand and we picked up the ice block for the party. a 500 lb. block of ice... very hard to maneuver. Then we threw the party. It was cool. Not that big but...whatev.... and some folks came out that I havent seen in a while so that was good, and me and allen's beautiful wives came to visit us. Thank You ladies... we love you. and then I think mean yankee amanda yelled at everyone there... except me cuz i yell back. And then I went home... and today... maybe the baseball game and then exec anc chapter. Anywho... it was a long eventful week...but in the end all is well... besides my spanish grade. I hate that faggot.

Oh.... and before i go... funny story... tuesday a girl in the library was talkin really loudly on her cell phone and people started asking her to shut up and she started yelling threats at them and then went crazy and said she was gonna kill them all. So the guards came up there and couldnt restrain her so they called the cops... when the cops arrived she was screaming bloody murder and she tried to grab their guns... then she clawed a cop in the face so they slammed her into the wall and maced her and cuffed her... they drug her outside and she kicked over one of the big flower pots and it shattered in the ground below. Then they strapped her to a stretcher thingy and drug her off. Now there are signs up everywhere in case people need counseling from her and an hour later they acted like nothing happened and a choral group was giving a live concert at the scene of the crime. nice.

The Greatest weekend ever turns into the worst week ever.

2005-04-11T16:08:00.000-04:00

Well... Last weekend was possibly the greatest weekend of my college career. And it seemed like it lasted forever. We partied at Los Bravos thursday night, then Friday we played a nice game of poker and went to the Gamma Sig party at Sockhoppers... which was pretty fun i reckon. Allen and Chris fought over one of my friend's roomates and I had to suffer through it. Then we went around doing nothing and ended up going to Allen's house to hang out with his psycho roomates. Coach... your the man. Anywho... so we went to bed at like 4:30... got up and went to arby's at 12 and then played in Frats at Bat. HOw embarasssing. We lost two games in a row by like a combined 40 to 1. And I'm pretty sure I scored the only run of the day... which is odd. Anywho.. and i almost lost my hand cuz some fag hit the ball so hard I couldnt even see it. Then we went to a pool party and then to the baseball game where clemson demolished Duke and Browner was going shirtless...cuz... he's cool like that. Then we went and watched "ULTIMATE FIGHTING" on tv... that is some crazy stuff right there kids. We're planning a roadtrip now to go to either ultimate fighting or a toughman contest and all are welcome to join. Anywho... then we had to set up the tent for international day... which sucked... then we went to a party at poags... and we met the gayest guy ive ever even heard of. i'm serious ya'll... i aint gone lie to ya... gay people would have called this guy a fag. He was doing cartwheels down poag's hall and sang and played love songs for me on the piano as I hid from him. And anywho after a while of that we went to the clemson track and field party.... "if anyone asks... i'm on shotput." .... i'm not racist but... we were the only white boys there and... it can be a scary thing. As soon as we walked in the door people started pointing and whispering... then some girl asked if we were in highschool... no... we're just not 6'8" and black like every other dude here. then... that party got busted as we left soo back to mcdonalds and poags, where we proceeded to make fun of jarrell the queerbo some more. and hit on this hot chick that was with him and good ole "SAY-Rah" aka sarah... then we went to bed at like 4:30 again and got up at 12 to play in AXO's frisbee tournament ... which sucked... we lost to ATO like 8 to 1.... and there were several lungs left on the field of battle. but whatever. Anywho... so... then thats all fun and we had chapter blah blah.

Now... onto the bad:

I think God doesn't like my new passat b/c the first week i had it it got towed for no good reason. That was wednesday... then today... as i was on my way to work a rookie cop in gay butt easley pulled me just as i was leaving a red light and said i was going 56. Now... I'm no physics major but... if that is in fact true... everyone give some credit to Audi/VW b/c... they mean business when they put that turbo on that engine. That would mean i went from like 0 to 56 mph in only a couple hundred yards. jessica head... i now know how you feel. Anyways... someone must have slipped some valiums into my dads coffee this morning cuz he took that news rather well and didnt even yell. AAAnd.... thats about it... I am poor for the first time in a while b/c I have spent 250 bux on a car in less than a week and i havent even gotten the title on it yet... who knows.

with love,

Neanderthal himself.

Farewell Red Rocket.... You will be missed.

2005-03-29T22:58:00.000-05:00

Before I go any further.... let us all join together in a moment of silence as we bid farewell to the sacred "Red Rocket." That 2001 Saturn SPORT COUPE with 101 horsepower and 40mpg was nothing but crappy. but it was good to me. In its place... we have a 98 VW Passat 2.o Turbo Manual Transmission... black leather.... heated seats.... and a neon purple and red gauge cluster. It is nice and... very quick. A fine unit of German Engineering. And on that note... My roommate's german fiance is spending the week with us. She's nice. He doesn't deserve her. Jeff... you are a loser. Aaaand... spring break was nice. Went to charleston for the weekend... saw some friends... bought some stuff. And I went on the USS Yorktown and all that.... cuz i realized that in all my trips to Charleston i'd never been on the big boat by the bridge. I also went on my final trip across the Cooper river old bridges. Aaand bought some cool clothes at M. Dumas. got a pimpin bowtie w/ palmettos. And then i worked... and sold my car.... and then I went to ATL to see the fam and help my grandparents move. Ok... they sold their mountain house.... which was awesome.... and their old house... which was average... and bought an 8 bedroom house... just for them and their 75 yr old selves. And ....the move was hard. My grandmother hasnt thrown anything away in all 50 yrs of her marriage. I found stuff that would be like... artifacts found by an archaeologist if they went in that house. And their clothes... wow... my grandad looked like snoop dogg in the 70's. Anywho... so other than that... not much goin on... hurt my knee playin softball last night... but thats to be expected nowadays. Aaaand.... carolina cup is this weekend which is always fun. Get to sport the new seersuckers and tie... thanks andi. And before long... summer... which will be short cuz i'm going to summer school. Oh yeah and today I coached youth soccer with chris. Those kids are hilarious. And ... some of the soccer moms and female coaches are like...12's. So... i'm definitely going back. I might need to have like a parent coach conference at my condo or somehting. Well... thats the news for now... stay tuned for more Tyler news at 10 to the hour every hour.

Do you fit the mold?

2005-03-08T18:19:00.000-05:00

haha this is funny... a Dating application you make online...

As a member of the female gender, you are eligible to apply to fill the role of significant other to Tyler Ulmer. After answering these questions, your application will be processed. If you pass your examination... you could be well on your way to a romantic and fulfilling relationship.

1. Do you, or could you learn to, drink sweet tea at every opportunity?

2. Do you have a nice tan and long flowing dark hair?

3. Do you recognize Clemson University as the greatest school in the world and attend all football games dressed in orange and leave them without a voice?

4. Do you recognize the talent of Michael Jackson as a musician, not a molester?

5. Do you understand that not everyone drives a cool car but someday they will buy a new one?

6. Are you cultured enough to wear clothes from a foreign land like Le Tigre and Lacoste?

7. Are you easily embarrassed by public outbursts and eccentricities of your significant other?

8. Do you enjoy eating various forms of seafood and taking trips to the coast of South Carolina?

9. When on these trips do you drive faster through Columbia b/c it sucks?

10. Would you ever date a man that has one ear which sticks out further than the other?

11. Would you ever date a man with a tooth that was chipped from a game of football?

12. Would you date a man with 6 titanium screws in his jaw?

13. Could you date someone who's friends call him "Neanderthal" and "Gomer?"

14. Would you date someone that could be in school for the next 15 years?

15. Could you be with someone that thinks he's always right and even if he's not will argue about it until you give in?

16. Would you have a problem with holding your wedding ceremony in Death Valley and forcing your wedding party to rub the rock before entering "the sanctuary?"

17. Can you date someone with a less than perfect driving record?

18. Do you enjoy snowskiing and other winter sports, and are you affected by altitude sickness?

19. Are you willing to cater to the needs of a man suffering from severe attention deficit hyperactivity disorder?

20. Are you currently or have you ever been detained in a mental health or correctional facility?

If you have answered these questions submit them to the comments section of this post... your responses will be processed and you will be assigned an eligibility rating. Thank you for your time!

2005-03-08T16:40:00.000-05:00

How well do you know your local Caveman?

Favorites~**

*Movie*- Well lets see... pirates of the carribean, boondock saints, joe dirt, blazing saddles, van wilder, animal house, old school, etc. etc.
*Drink* -hmmm orange crush... and all that it entails, and dr pepper... and of course... God's water...sweet tea
*Food* -spaghetti, and anything from the ocean... even if its not necessarily cooked.
*Game* - hmmm strip poker.... what?!... i'm good at poker!
*Colors*-Orange! my blood runneth orange
*Store*- hmm M. Dumas, J Crew, Target...cuz wal-mart is the devil, oh and ebay rocks my socks off!
*Words* - umm ok... indeed, babeez, whatev, si si, Bello, shazaaam, mayonaise, widjudidju, aorta, ho bag, etc.
*Songs* - Anything beach music, michael jackson, or maroon 5, or good ole southern rock!
*Place* - Ski Slopes, Litchfield Beach, Charleston, downtown gvegas, and Clemson of course
*Flavor* - peaches...mmm peaches n cream
*Animal* -Ligers, and tigers, and ohh elephants, and dogs.
*Subject*- hmmm biology is cool cuz we learned how to make beer and babies... which... is nice.
*Candy*- those hershey's cookies n cream bars... and cowtails
*Ice Cream* -Clemson peach ice cream, and marble slab cheesecake w/ strawberries on top.
*Day* - ummm today
*Month* - wel july is nice cuz its summery and my bday and december is nice cuz snow and xmas. and september is when football starts and november is when we beat USC and Fla St. soo... hard to choose.
*Thing* - thing? my favorite thing? ummm gonna go with... le tigre shirts... cuz... i'm the only one whose got'em!
*Make~up*- I make up stuff all the time... the challenge is for you to tell when its made up or not.
*Scent* - Lacoste cologne, uhhh pina coladas, hawaiian tropic, the beach, and B.O.
*Magazine* - SKI magazine and Playboy
*Vegetable*- hmmm those kinda suck... lemme think...i guess corn... they all suck really
*Fruit* - there ya go... cantaloupe, honey dew, strawberries, bananas (but not w/ strawberries), peaches mmm, and clementines
*Meat*- uhhh fish is good, and ribs, and filet mignon, and duck is good...but only if I killed it.
*Gum* - New Wrigley's Polar Ice!
*TVchannel* - VH1 is great... and espn's, and CNBC b/c i just love learning about stocks n bonds
*Season* - Winter if there's snow and summer if there's not.
*Salad Dressing*- Catalina, Greek, Italian, all other vinegrettes, and french (esp. french from Fatz Cafe)
*Thing To Wear* -hmmm my orange pants and le tigre shirts aaaand oh my lacoste boxers.
*Jewelry To Wear*- one thing- my blingin Bulova watch that is muy expensivo
*Place To Be* Beach, Ski slope, death valley

~About Me~

1. Most Common Nicknames: oh god... Neanderthal, caveman, Gomer, tulmer, Ty Bo, uhhh T bird.... thanks grandad... guess thats all.
2. Eyes:- uhh depends on what i am wearing... blue/greenish...maybe a nice aqua marine?... i'm not gay that was a joke.
3. Height: 5'11"
4. Hair: Light brown in summer and darker in winter
5. Siblings: Hayley... and she needs a man so... any takers? and dont let her tell you she needs a woman
6. Do you like to sing in the shower? ummm yes... thats where my entire professional career started out
7. Do you like to sing on the toilet? thats just odd... i'm in and out like a bolt of lightening... or soemthing
8. Birthday: July 18 , 1985... still waiting on bday gifts from last year... this is pathetic.
10. Sign: Cancer... ok... and this is my 2 cents on that... if ur gonna make up signs to tell peoples future... dont make mine cancer... its sort of... omenous in itself is it not?
11. Sex: yes please... i mean... male
12. Righty or Lefty: Righty... but 3 lefty's does make a righty. which is just so muc h work... thats why there are more righties
13. What do you want In A Relationship Most: ummm someone that can stand me for mor that 10 min.
14. Have you ever cheated? on a girl... thats the worst sin ever... on a test... how do you think i graduated?
15. Marital Status: oh marital... thought that said martial arts.... k.... single.
16. Do You Own a Car? No... technically my dad does... he's the boss.
17. What Kind of Car Do You Have? well it's a red Saturn SC1... that means sport coupe... the red rocket... yeah... shes a sweet ride.

~Favorite Questions~

18. Movie: didnt we already do this?
19. Songs: hmmm anything by Michael Jackson, maroon 5, and beach music.
20. Band/Singer: see #19
21. TV Shows: Lost, uhh CSI MIami, stuff on VH1, seinfeld of course, family guy, king of queens
22. Actor: uhhh Chris Tucker, dave spade, will farrell, the rock, etc.
23. Actress: hmmm Catherine zeta jones, rachel leigh cook, Eva mendes, jordana bruster
24. Food: See there u go repeating urself again.... its spaghetti and seafood GEEZ
25. Numbers: 4 is my lucky... and 63-17 is nice too.

~Love Life ETC~

28. Do You Plan On Having Children: I dont know... I worked w/ 24 kids for 3 years at the Y so... isnt that the same as 3 kids for 24 years?
29. Do You Want To Get Married: I guess so... but to WHO?!
30. How Old Do You Wanna Be When You Are Married? Older than this!
31. Would You Have Kids Before Marriage: Nope. I only make 8 bux an hour... and... do u know what diapers are going for these days?
32. Do You Have A Crush: Dont we all... really there are many women i love.
33. Music/TV: hmmm Music... unless its a gooood show
34. Guys/Girls: Girls are hot... but guys are better at beatin people up.
35. Winter/Summer: Snow rocks... but summer is good too.
36. Night/Day : Night. then people can't see what you're doing.
37. Hangin Out/Chillin: hanging out i guess... thought they were synonymous.
38. Dopey/Funny : funny... i did drugs once... say nope to dope.
39. What School Do You Go To? Clemson University... the school!
40. I Dream Of Genie/ Or I Love Lucy? Genie is way hotter... plus... she shows her midriff... lucy is so uptight
~41.What Do You Think Of A Soul Mate?- its... great i guess... lemme know when you find mine.
42. Is It Right To Flirt If You Have A GF/BF? Ummm well... if ur not a ho bag about it...i do it.
43. What Was The Last Thing You Cried Over? Hmmm gosh thats a long time. oh... i guess whenever i've had surgery and i'm stoned... i always wake up crying like a fag. drugs are bad mkay.
44. Have You Ever Gone Skinny-Dipping: yes...shhh....florida will never be the same.
45. Where would you want to go on your honeymoon? skiing! or... on a cruise or something.... or to europe... really i gotta get married first.
46. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? if they're hot. I like the dark skin and long dark hair look. and their smile and eyes... and if they got a bangin body of course.
47. Worst sickness you ever had? ummm broken jaw... not really a sickness... but... it made me sick... for 2 months... w/o opening my mouth.
48. Hugs or kisses? I am a multitasker.
49. Have you ever been in love? Not to my knowledge... now thats not to say that someone is in love w/ me... all the tiem... or more than one person even.
50. Are you an alcoholic? I can't remember.

Yes or No...
You keep a diary: no but this blog thing counts i guess.
You like to cook: does it involve a microwave or my handy dandy george foreman?
You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: yes... and the secret is....ha....good try
You're in love: noooot yet.
You set your watch a few minutes ahead: no... have you seen my watch though?
You bite your fingernails: only when i cant find anything else to do w/ my hands. and dont get all perverted... its the curse of A.D.D.
You believe in love: sure you love me dont you.
What is...
Your most overused phrase on IM: hmmm .... Sup babeez... or.... shhhh
Last image/thought you go to sleep with: Physically its usually my roomate going "hey...uhh... tyler.. u uhh... u going to bed?" and then i hit him.... but whatever.

Do You...

Take a shower everyday: yeah... sometimes more than 1... or 2... i like to be clean... plus i have lacoste shower gel which matches the cologne and ...well its nice.
Have any tattoos? If so,where: Well... last weekend me and Shan got inked up. I got a zebra stripe tatoo of the zebra hangliding on my right bicep. It's all stretched out though... cuz my muscles.
Get motion sickness: not as much anymore... only when i try to think too hard in the car.
Think you're a health freak: no but andrew says i am... really i just talk about being healthy... i dont act on it.
Get along with your parents: most of the time... sooooo much easier when you dont live with them anymore.

What Do You Think of when You See the Name...
Ryan: Crappy houses
Rob: Luuuuuciaaaa....chili....hallooooo
Drew: barrymore
Stephanie: step on me
Aaron: tippin?
Amy: this hot chick in my english class
Paul: the Bible
Eve: that black girl...and... the forbidden fruit
John: jacob jingleheimersmith
Alex: Beloooow me alex!
Ricky: Martin... i sang it in spanish last year... i've got mad skills
Jack: Daniels, O'lantern, Black, Mehoff, etc.

Sign: Cancer... u already asked and I already complained.
Natural Hair Color: Brown
Current Hair Color: Neon Green
Eye Color: once again... stop it with the broken record

Preferences:
Cuddle or Make Out: hmmm cant u do both at once?
Chocolate Milk or Hot Chocolate: chocolate milk i guess... its like the same thing only...hotter.
Milk, Dark, or White Chocolate: White power!
Vanilla or Chocolate: depends on what it is... I like my ice cream vanilla but my women chocolate!

In the Last 24 Hours, Have You...

Cried: None of your business.... no.
Helped Someone: Yes... sometimes too much.... stop using me people.
Bought Something: yes. dinner at mac's drive in... clemson's finest establishment
Gone to the Movies: no
Gone out for Dinner: yes... dinner at mac's drive in... clemson's finest establishment
Said "I Love You": I'm sure I have... but we all know I didnt mean it... I hate all of you.
Written a Real Letter: as opposed to a fake one? yes i have.
Talked to an Ex: hmmm.... nooooo
Missed an Ex: ummm dont get pissed girls but... not really.
Written in a Journal: isnt this a journal?
Had a Serious Talk: a what?
Missed Someone: I guess so.
Hugged Someone: hmmm let me see... yes i'm sure i have.
Fought With Your Parents: no... i dont live with them and they dont bother visiting or calling... cant waste gas and minutes u know.
Fought With a Friend: yeah... cuz i hate my friends... theyre freakin gay.

Wow... that took forever.

Singles Awareness Day and the Dislocated thumb

2005-02-14T00:14:00.000-05:00

Well... so... quick funny story... so last night around 10:30 the girls of Stringer D4 decided to pay me a visit. And... on a whim we painted my living room red. It took us until 5 am to finish but it looks pretty good. And then while we were moving the furniture back SOMEHOW I managed to dislocate my thumb. I picked up a book shelf and saw my thumb bend back... pop out of place... and touch to my arm and then go back... it made this really disgusting sound too. So now... I can't type, tie my shoes, hold anything, etc. its like... Instead of the neanderthal evolving... he went backwards and lost his opposable thumb. Dangit. Anywho... thought i would share that with you... and before i go... a poem... for all of you that will feel extra lonely tomorrow... i know ur pain... gimme a call and we'll make a date.

Singles Awareness Day

By Tyler Ulmer

Single on V-Day

It really sucks

The only plus side

We'll save a few bucks

We'll just sit at home

Maybe We'll study

But no matter what

This holiday's cruddy

They go and by roses

They go out on dates

Whatever it takes

To win over their mates

The girls get all mushy

The guys spend some cash

When all that they're after

Is a quick peace of... booty.

Then the day ends

All the couples are happy

But we singles remain

Feeling nothing but crappy.

The candles burn out

And the roses all die

And there you remain

The world's last single guy.

(This poem is dedicated to everyone that will eat dinner alone tomorrow. Have a happy Singles Awareness day!)

Quite Possibly the worst day ever... but its only lunchtime.

2005-02-03T13:53:00.000-05:00

Sooo... today is shaping up to be THE worst day EVER. Let me elaborate... today is thursday... thursday is the day that I have class starting at 8 and ending at 6:15. Well... so I got up at 7... got dressed... checked my email... english was cancelled... SUPER. So I head across campus to turn my acct. homework in... yes thats right... i must go to a class at 8 every thursday just to hand someone a paper. So then I come back to good ole D square... well... on the way back... this car nails a puddle and soaks me down as i wait at a crosswalk...so i make it back and i'm changing clothes and i rip my jeans while taking them off. Then, I get a little homework done... and head off for spanish... as i'm leaving D square, some girl in an explorer just about runs me over. And i was like geez... but then she rolls down the window... this girl is like an 15 on a scale of 1 to 5. She offers me a ride to campus cuz she's going to brackett... and me being a COMPLETE idiot say "nah thanks... i am fine just walking." DANGIT... if i'd been in my right state of mine... i would have gotten in that car even if she was driving it straight into the ocean! So I completely blow my chance with some random hot stranger that decided to be nice to me. Then I get to class in the freezing rain... and my royally homo spanish teacher gives us like 100 hours of homework to do over the super bowl weekend. YESSS.... I love Spanish so much that i'm totally skipping the super bowl to conjugate verbs in my free time. well... i get a spanish quiz back which i made a 70 somethin on ... not because i didnt know how to do it correctly... but b/c my A.d.d. is so bad... that i literally just skipped some of the questions and didnt even attempt them. And that brings us to lunch... with no good news in sight... i'll probably burn my house down trying to make a turkey sandwich.

Well thats greaat

2005-01-24T15:30:00.000-05:00

Sooo, school has started back... which is nice... I guess. My schedule has managed to suck and rock at the same time. I only have class at 4 on mon. and wed. and none on fridays sooo that is flippin' sweet but.... on Tuesdays and thursdays i'm in class literally from 8 am to 6:15 pm with a small break for lunch. Which... blows... but whatev... life goes on... I have several classes with friends... and bodaciously hot chicks... you know who you are... aaaand I think I should have no problem holding onto my scholarships for another semester. My spanish teacher... seriously is a homo... he wears a fanny pack every day... interesting... and a flannel plaid shirt too. more predictable than Al off of home improvement. But we make class fun cuz... we make fun of him. Onward, Rush is this week... i'm optimistic but... since gaybutt IFC doesnt advertise it, no one comes out to spring rush so we'll be strugglin i'm sure. And I'm workin a good bit up 'ar at IER with Andi. Its good. he's a lazy bum. and laura is a ho bag. hi laura. I'm counting down to Ben & Jerry's grand opening downtown... so I can uphold my new years resolutions of becoming even fatter... aaaand the Falcons just lost the NFC so... i'm a south carolinian again for another year. hope the eagles win the super bowl cuz tom brady is a nancy. but in all seriousness the nfl sucks too... go tigers. my car is still for sale... i dont even think i've gotten one call on it. ah well. maybe i'm destined to drive the red rocket for life. i hope not... that would stink... its not much of a babe magnet and i cant really rely on looks and personality either. i didnt earn the nickname neanderthal because i was a model for CK. So... i should be doing homework right now cuz i won' t have time to later... as I will be standing on bowman field in the 15 degree weather flirting with freshman boys and making them join ZBT. but whatever. oh btw... got a new cell phone number 864-420-6412. so... hit it up. i'm "In" w/ verizon now and my phone actually picks up in my apartment... i feel... soooo.... in touch with the world. well i'm outtie 5000. if you need me i'll be right here in D^2 ya heard

Back in Action!

2005-01-12T01:14:00.000-05:00

Well It's been quite a while ladies and gentlemens. A little update... just got back to clemson today... nursing an injured ribcage... i dont think its broken but maybe like a fracture... its hard to truly describe how i did it but... believe it or not i have it on video and i'll show u if u want... it all started when me and T.A. decided it'd be a good idea to hit up the snowboard ramps on our ski trip.... anyways... ummm school starts tomorrow but i only have one class at 4... nice... and... we move into our new house next weekend which is nice... umm what else... i lost in poker night tonite... whats new. and napoleon dynamite is the greatest movie EVER. if u disagree... u are retarted... more retarded than KIP! Rush is in 2 weeks.... oh and today... my first time playing lindsey scott's "who am i" I won and beat the reigning champ.... some eric loser... anywho... i'm the man. and before i go... can i just say that Sean Luther is my hero?

Twas the night before gameday....

2004-11-18T01:15:00.000-05:00

Ahhh the final game of the season... USC... Columbia's pride and joy... that reminds me of a little poem I once knew...

Twas the night before gameday, and all through the school
All the Tigers prepared for this athletic dual
The field had been mowed and watered with care
With hopes that the Gamecocks soon would be there.

The players were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of dominance danced in their heads
The students remember last years fateful game
And know that this year is gonna be the same

When down in The Valley arose such a clatter
A thrashing ensued in the traditional manner
Away to the endzone they flew like a flash
And called out the Cocks for talking their trash

The score on the boards let the onlookers know
That the gamecocks should load up their busses and go
For what to my wondering eyes should appear
But another @$$ whippin' , just like last year

With a little ole coach, just smilin and grinning
Enjoyin the sight of his football team winning
As the Tigers went wild and ran away with the game
Coach Tommy stood up and called them by name

Now Charlie, now Currie, now Chancey and Will
On Miller, on Coleman, Leroy and Tye Hill
They ran down the field, They ran up the score
With the third string in, we ran them some more

The game is now history that repeated itself
And weve got one more trophy to put on that shelf.
When you come into Clemson, don't try to compete
We are the Fightin' Tigers and we CANT BE BEAT!

This... That... And the OTHER

2004-11-11T15:20:00.000-05:00

So you might think I haven't written in this thing in a while but this is not true my friends. The last two times I've written some long ones and then as I clicked to save it the computer froze up or something. And now... the wonderful people at Northland Cable have cut our internet off again and screwed it up... i think that makes like 15 times on the year now. I would love to kill them. I can't just stop payin their bills either cuz its all prepaid for the semester. Anywho... sooo.... to start things off... did you FREAKIN SEE the miami vs clemson game?!!! WE won in overtime... US... Clemson.... yeah.... after that was the most excitement since beating FSU last year. And then... following that joyous celebration was the most Hellacious week in my college career to date.... 2 tests, a quiz, a paper, a BIG ole financial report project. Anyways... so now all I have left is the accounting project... and then its off to Durham, North Carolina to see the Tigers kick a lil more ass on the year. And... Little known fact... durham has some of the highest murder rates per capita in the nation.. that is odd. And what else is goin on? oh i got the new grand theft auto... I get to take out my desire to be a black man on tv. its cool. and.... oh ... found out yesterday in spanish that we have to sing songs in spanish for the class... my group nominated me to be "the genie in a bottle" so i guess i gotta dance around in pink while they sing the song. And we suggested having a class karaoke party at Los Bravos next thursday so you should come see that. And then Friday is ZBT's pre USC Chicken Kicken party at the Riviera... be there! or Else! And ... my final note... since I know he will read this.... is .... WHAT KIND OF BOSS agrees to meet his employee at 8:30 am and shows up at 10:45? especially when the traineeeee has to leave at 11:15! andrew.... ur a moron. but... ur ok i guess. boss. and... finally... sean Luther is king. That's right. I said it. Now he will put this on his away message so the people that read it will think somebody likes him... when in reality i only write it so it will get put on his away message.

crap

2004-11-04T01:26:00.000-05:00

I forgot the most important part of the last two blogs.... A) Clemson beat NC STate in the nick of time! I yelled so loud that I literally got sick from it and am still trying to recover. and B) Sean Luther is my hero. Ps. sean, I talked to Terry Farris and we're meeting in a couple weeks to discuss me tutoring you on how to be a good real estate student.

Procrastination

2004-11-04T00:21:00.000-05:00

Procrastination (n.):

1. The art of sitting in a desk from 5 pm to 12.21 am without doing a single bit of school work. 2. a word describing ultimate boredom resulting from a young students refusal to partake in any academic activity, be it statistics, spanish, management, or accounting.

Where did Fall Break go?!

2004-11-03T18:21:00.000-05:00

Sooo... I haven't done THIS in 3 weeks... anywho... Right now... my house is filled with smoke b/c my roomate jeff ( less gay one) cannot cook. Also... I'm sick as a DAAAWG. And I started my new job monday... it rocks... jess... you had it soooo easy... michelin would kill you. All we do all day is sit around puttin stuff on the computers and shipping it out... and making fun of people... andrew... did ur dad get a chance to look at this yet? you know that reminds me of when i worked at sacalole... before i lived in charleston... when i was in the navy you know... anyways... and then we go out to lunch and whatever. I got new shoes last night... they hurt and need to be broken in... and i got some cool new ties this weekend. an orange one of course... and a blue bowtie... aand... I emailed the man about Real Estate Development and i gotta meet with him... and... my house is still full of smoke... my new house in gvegas is gonna rock... last night we went out to dinner for this chicks birthday and... she stood on the table and started screaming... i was so embarassed. Then we went back to their room and Bolegged Beau payed them a visit. And george bush won... thats funny... john kerry has a big head. I think he lost b/c everyone was pissed... his initials were JFK and he was just tryin to copy john f kennedy... which is wrong... does kerry wanna get shot? is wayne brady gonna hafta choke a bitch? Aaaand... i had a new york strip at logans.... but i didnt even eat it til 1 am cuz they got mad at me for eating slow... then i saw hot stephanie last night. hey steph... i know u have a boyfriend but if u want a new one... u know... just call. ummm i have a sinus infection... nobody cares... nobody wants to cook me dinner... nobody wants to love me... alfie kissed a boy... nobody wants to marry me... thats fine. I'm goin to the Duke Game next week... if ur goin... call me... also... detox party the friday before the usc game... we are drinking honey and hot tea and watching Braggin rights. if u wanna come... let me know...it's gonna be the most fun non alcoholic party ever recorded... what if we got a keg full of sweet tea? oh and we can go to just more barbecue... ahhhhh good idea
aight i'm out.

Ahhhhhh Shhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhh shhhhhhhh....

2004-10-19T01:02:00.000-04:00

ahhhhhhhh....shhhhhhhhh....ahhhhhhh....shhhhhh (peter griffin). Sooo....I made an A on my spanish and accounting test... Stats is TBD but whateva... more music is on the way from the recording studio here in D square. I'm working on a few tracks with the latest talent on the piano, straight out of beaufort mr. allen black. On a heavier note... a 200 pound guy slammed his cleat down into the arch of my foot at practice today and may have crippled me... there is definite dentage and major bruisage to these caveman feet. A great loss since cavement don't wear shoes. BTW... party this friday... time and locale are TBD. Call me if u wanna come. IF you don't have my number I probably don't want you to come. But you never know. If i tell you to go to the wrong place... its not a screw up... i did it ion purpose... and i will probably laugh when you call me from stumphouse tunnel wondering if you made a wrong turn. Anyways... oh funny story... so i'm at work sunday... (u know... 10 hrs... makes me wanna go skydiving w/ a kleenex as a parachute) and it is brought to my attention that I have had a new boss since August and no one deemed it necessary to inform me of that little... tidbit of information. I also found out that I'm not on the schedule so I can pretty much work whenever I want. so... bite me Michelin Tire Corporation. bite me real good. What else... clemson vs maryland this saturday... come see me or the game or preferably both. ummm this tailgate has been deemed "unsupervised" meaning... no adults? what difference does that make? have you seen the parents that hang out over there lately? donna miller? not exactly a strict one i'm worried about pleasing... and... linda poag... well she did it when SHE was our age. Anywho... I'll talk to u dirty ho bags later. if anyone has herpes it was that mountain weekend girls fault

Exhausted.

2004-10-13T14:34:00.000-04:00

Soooo... Last night was the first time i've gone to bed since mountain weekend. And I only got to sleep from 2:15 to 7:30 cuz I had a royally homosexual management class where we did realistic simulations like... play a mixed up version of scrabble combined with yahtzee. And I get to do it again friday at 8 am. For those of you that want a verse of your own in the Smokey mountain High song... tell me. But it has to make fun of u or its not funny. Anyways... I think I whipped that accounting exam's @$$ really easily. And I have one more exam tomorrow in stats, then Friday is gonna be the biggest relief ever. Saturday is homecoming. We will maybe win the game too! And I have to work sunday...then it all starts again. Due to many encouraging remarks... I will continue writing new songs on a regular basis. We are hoping to get together with Usher and produce an album that should be out around Halloween. That's all the news for now. Check back at 10 to the hour every hour, here on Caveman TV.

This is a song... this is a song about the mountains...

2004-10-12T01:43:00.000-04:00

Well for those of you that were on the mountain weekend (especially those that went grocery shopping w/ me) you will find this quite amusing... as for the rest of you... you'll probably sit at your computer and read it and laugh and try to pretend you thought it was funny... and then make comments to me about it like... you were a part of the vacation and like you MAtter. Well... whatever the case... this is a song that I improved... in the parking lot/meat department of some ghetto grocery store in the wonderful world of Gatlinburg and it goes a little something like this...(to the tune of "We didn't start the fire" by billy joel)

We didn't spoil the hot tub
It was all those ho's and they werent wearin no cloooothes
We didn't spoil the hot tub
Well we didn't stain it but we tried to drain it.

Kyle ralph's date, she was a whore,
Harry's won't fit through the door
Chris's girl, she's on the floor
Cops are comin' shut the door!

We didn't spoil the hot tub
It was all those ho's, and they weren't wearin no cloooothes
We didn't spoil the hot tub
Well we didn't stain it but we tried to drain it

Emily was poppin pills
Walt was on the powerwheelz
I just got no sex appeal
Did Kyle just lose his Card? GEt REAL!

The girls bought chink some cool new clothes
Through naked Corey, a river flows
Whats wrong with Browner? No one knows
I slept outside and WOW I froze!

We didn't spoil the hot tub
It was all those ho's and they were'nt wearin no clothes
We didn't spoil the hot tub
Well we didn't stain it but we tried to drain it.

Measurin cup filled to the top
Some went to a tattoo shop
Sara's screamin "Dan don't stop!"
And alfie's cryin bout a Cop.

Some dumb skank stole Corey's car
All he said was "El BLAZAR!"
Herpes girl has gone too far,
Could this trip be any more bizarre?!

We didn't spoil the hot tub,
I was all those ho's, and they weren't wearin' no clothes
We didn't spoil the hot tub
Well we didn't stain it but we tried to drain it

Daniel screams "I get it WET!"
Harry takes what he can get
Man I need a cigarette
Is this dang song not over yet?

I Fell in love with orange crush
Some folks might say that I'm a lush
The icey hot tub was a rush
You think you know? You Dont, so HUSH!

Sean is chuggin' wine with Clipp
The prostitutes begin to strip
Chris and Harry skinny dip
Why did I come on this trip?!

We didnt spoil the hot tub
It was all those hos and they weren't wearin no cloooothes
WE didnt spoil the hot tub
Well we didnt stain it but we tried to drain it. ZBT life goes on and on and on and ooooon...

(What talent... this only took 20 minutes btw.)

Mountain weekend... where does one begin?

2004-10-10T16:43:00.000-04:00

Ok... if you don't feel like reading ... then leave now cuz this is gonna be a long one... mountain weekend was awesomely crazy and lots of funny things happened. To start... clemson lost again thursday... i'm depressed but not running my mouth (odd i know.) Now... the ride up to Gatlinburg with Corey and Katie and my hot date jessica was nice... we took the scenic route... stopped off for apple cider and photo ops. Then we got to the cabin... it was INSANE!!! All wood everywhere, huge overstuffed leather furniture, hot tub, 8 br's, pool table, air hockey, big screen, tv in every room, foostball, hot tub, hot tub, hot tub. Coolest house ever. So people started showing up... we had a good time. then... everyone fell asleep (jessica slept through... a bunch of stuff) including cops... on the back porch on a futon... I slept outside with only a t shirt on b/c Jess had all my blankets and was being a selfish theif. like a meanie and then they started the harley powerwheelz to wake us all up. I woke up and thought i was gonna die. Then the next day everyone went shopping while we hung out in the hot tub watching football...my wonderful date bought me a new shirt... then these dirty hoe's ruined the day by getting everyon in the tub naked and possibly spreading VD cuz they were just that dirty. So they went up stairs for lovey time and we drained the hot tub and sterilized it and refilled it. then we ate dinner and partied.... then we woke up and cleaned and left.

NOw. Morals to this story and little lifes lessons that I learned during my time outside of my cave...
1) Ibuprofen is not candy.
2) When sleeping outside... bring your own covers... some GIRL will steal them all if you try to share.
3) If a girl has a golden booger on her face and a possible herpetic legion as well... do not get in a jacuzzi with her... and run when she strips.
4) Eat and drink everything out of a measuring cup... that way you know exactly what your intake is.
5) When making fun of people (DR) be sure to include them in on the fun and help them to make fun of themselves... its much more entertaining and you can compare your impersonations to the real thing.
6) Don't let inept chefs grill your burgers... E. coli is a real thing.. and it is dangerous...NatE!
7) Don't be scared of a girl and give her your car keys... no matter how hot she is... its just not worth it.
8) When getting a ride from okin... be warned that a 3 hour trip could take 5 hours... and we still dont know how.
9) That girl DID have herpes.
10) I'm dead serious.
11) When eating at a scary diner in the Tennessee hills... don't bring black people and don't look directly in the cops eyes. Nothing against black people... this is for YOUR safety. Right marcel?
12) My cooler didnt have a drain.
13) Browner should have been sent to Iraq on his Harley davidson powerwheelz.
14) Walt's car is the best vehicle ever made.
15) El Blaaaaaaaaaazerrrrrrrr
16) Tell 'em sara! I got SI tonite on TimesTABles!
17) I had a blast... I love you all... thanks for goin J' and for "making the cooler" ... and we need to do beach weekend next semester!!

2004-10-05T15:33:00.000-04:00

Ok... been a little while. My bad. So let me tell you bout my life. The freakin idiots that live above me and coin the term "animal house" have reached a new low. They created some form of refrigerator leak that has ruined the ceiling in the back bedroom with poo poo colored water stains. SOMEBODY is gonna pay to fix that. That was a little extra stress added onto my already sooooo pleasant life. Anyways... in other big news... I got offered a job by my second father, Fred, which will get me out of the Tire plant for good. Plus I'll be working with my best friend from home. I cannot express to you how happy this makes me. Rubber sucks. Now. This weekend is mountain weekend. I'm incredibly excited b/c i need a freakin vacation. Gatlinburg will never be the same. Our cabin is off the hook and its just gonna be bad as crap. On the contrary... getting ahead in school work so that I can GO to mountain weekend is not good. I have 3 tests next week that will not be fun. Also... intramurals screwed up the schedule so we forfeited our way out of the softball playoffs unknowingly. Oh well.. football is starting and it should be fun. i went home last weekend and hung out with the fam and friends. Cut up a tree at the Head's house with the most enormous wood chipper ever that their neighbor had.... dont know WHY he owned it but he did. And here I am... about to spend yet another night in the library. Ah well.... clemson takes on the wahoos in a couple days so that will be exciting. Hopefully we will turn this season around. I'm NOT going to be one of those loser fans that just quits on their team cuz they lose a few games. I AM however about to shoot an oozie up in the air cuz my above neighbors are beeing obnoxiously loud. It sounds like a herd of john belushi's up there. anyways i'm out for now... chek back in lata. oh and sean luther is my hero. out.

2004-09-29T11:10:00.000-04:00

Because I haven't slept since monday night. I pulled an all niter on a school nite. Studied, read ALL of tigernet, Tiger woods action. Adderall could be a good friend right now. I will probably crash during my next 2 classes. I ain't gonna make it.

2004-09-29T03:33:00.000-04:00

Gimme an A! Gimme a D... and another D! Gimme an E! Gimme an R! Gimme an A! Gimme an L! Gimme one more L! Whats that spell?! ADDerall. Its 3:35 AM. The all niter continues.

THE ALL NIGHT 'ER

2004-09-29T02:55:00.000-04:00

Okay. It is offically like 3 in the morning. I have a management test at 8 am. I am staying awake all night. Dear Lauren...thank you for your support of the Tyler Ulmer Wired But Tired foundation. The mission has been a great success. Andrew... sorry I haven't talked to you lately... I have been low on cell phone minutes and no one seems to notice that THIS guy doesn't have a house phone which leaves phone talking out of the option list. Anyways. I haven't written one of these in a while. Since I last saw you Clemson has lost 2 more football games. I agree, a major disappointment but we canNOT be discouraged. We are improving imensely we just need to learn how to FINISH a football game. I have a fun filled week. I made a B and 2 A's on tests last week... good to know. and this week i have a mgt. test, and then classes, and softball practice then a triple header, a party friday, work sunday, and the first football practice for ZBT. I stay quite busy. Somewhere In there i eat and occassionally sleep. Oh guys... keep Ian Reshni and his friends and family and my sis in ur prayers b/c Ian was in a really bad car wreck and is in critical condition. And remember that its fine if you wanna party but PUHLEEEEEASE don't drink and drive or ride with people that are drinking b/c this is the kind of thing that happens. NExt weekend is zBT mountain weekend in Gatlinburg , TN and it is going to be a really fun trip in an AWESOME cabin. Porter the money I owe you for FSU will be given to ZBT and designated to go to your dues so u get out of brotherly debt. Also... tiger woods 2005 is out... i encourage all of you to play it in ur free time. it is good. and... here's a fun fact. Anderson college's dining hall CLOSES at 6 pm. Yes you heard me. U can't eat dinnner AFTER 6. and THAT is why clemson is better. And last but not least... Sean Luther is a bleeding heart liberal SOB Yankee. Let him know if u read this. Theres ur shout out buddy.

Tailgating Chaos

2004-09-13T01:11:00.000-04:00

In all seriousness... I have never met two women as cool as Linda Poag and Donna Miller. I don't know many girls under the age of 25 that are as wild as those two women. It is frightening. All week we were lectured to be on our best behavior because it was parents weekend and we needed to look good for our mommies and daddies. OR... our MOMMIES could take the party to the next level. mixing drinks, playing cards, and blurting out some of the funniest crap i've ever heard. It brightened up a pretty crappy evening. But seriously folks... no one blame the refs, the coach, or one player in particular for that game. The snap did suck, but if we were any good, we would have never even had to make that snap... but we couldnt get 1 dang yard in 3 plays. And look at the bright side... bad loss to wake last year = victory over 2 top 10 teams and duke and whoa did u see the usc score. We broke several records saturday including most people in the stadium AFTER halftime. You gotta not moan about the loss and get back in the saddle. There have been much worse things to happen to us. Like losing to usc and having them attempt to destroy howards rock and the cannons on bowman. at least it was a good game. anyways... I didnt have to take care of my big brother this week... load off there.... did have to drag hairy to his bed since he was unable to do so on his own...typical. And... i got justmoreBBQ again friday. super. what else... oh... porter... ur a weirdo for thinking my sister is hot and then telling me about it. lay off the bourbon. and... you are the worst big brother ever. And sean luther is a bleeding heart liberal. And Bill Brasky.... what a great guy.

2004-09-09T15:33:00.000-04:00

Porter is the worst big brother ever. And while I'm on the subject. Shan is the worst sister-in-law EVER. There. Porter. I said it. I hate you. If you died tonite... I would have no change in expression. And my conscience is not going to get onto me for that either. You are terrible.

ThE wRiTiNgS oN tHe WaLL -- NeAnDeRtHaL

2004-09-06T21:32:00.000-04:00

Four Score and 7 minutes ago, a thought entered into my mind. It remained there before quickly fleeing away from my densely packed cranial cavity. Come to think of it, I can no longer put my finger on what this thought was but, It was a good thought. You must know that. I haven't written in this blasted thing in a while because to be quite frank, I find it incredibly retarded. Let me start off by saying... Hello, Sean Luther... I'm sorry to hear that your yuengling is gone. But it was nice to see yet another bottle added to your incredible collection on a night a fortnight ago. Well... Now that is taken care of. (The ignorant Liberal requested a shoutout... apparently not knowing that shoutouts aren't requested at all but rather ... earned through good merit and hard work.) Anywho, continuing onward ladies and gents.... congratulations to the new zbt pledges... that will never read this b/c they are not cool enough to know my screename on that dreadful instant messenger. Since I've last talked with you all, I have experienced quite a lot of heartache and stress... what with rush going on and school getting back into swing. Classes are good, not too too difficult I must say, but the amount of activity in my life at this darkest hour is nigh on unbearable. I sleep only a few hours each night, working on academics and pondering my very next move. I've seen people urinate and crawl through it, I've seen incredible speeches on racism, and above all, I have seen the Fighting tigers of Clemson University Uphold their honor as they defeated the demon deacons only a few days ago to enter us into this wonderful, cheery yet stressful time we call "football season." I hate to drag things on so before I go let me say Happy Gameday to all and to all a good nite.

Zeta Beta Tau Gymnastics and a multibirthday palooza.

2004-08-18T09:49:00.000-04:00

So... its been just a little while since I've written one of these things and I must say a lot has happened. I'm no longer working my summer job... done with that crap except for every other sunday. I'm back at Clemson in my super wicked awesome apartment in daniel square. my roomates moved in... theyre both named jeff... i hate them all.... just kidding.... but seriously.... nah theyre alright. the school year started today... its already off to a bang. I just found out my 8 oclock class is online so i only go on wednesdays. And that means every other day i dont have class till like 12 30. Partyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Ummm what else... yeah I met some girls this week. First of all Lil chris... phillip... happy belated birthdays to u both. At phillips 21st bday pre party... I single handedly had multiple girls doing splits on poag's kitchen floor and got photos somewhere. saw girls makeout... and became the most improved athlete in the ZBT Professional Foosball League.
I AAAAAAAAAAAM disappointed in Carla and Jess for not coming to see me this weekend. You are both on a month long probation or we are going to call it quits and I will marry someone else. And what else? Oh... If any of you females enjoy cooking and are bored... i'm looking to hire a part time chef. you wont get paid but... i promise to make it worth your while... and u can eat with us and i promise to do the dishes. that is all for now. Stay tuned for more CU news at 10 to the hour, every hour, here on fievel's profile.

And then God told Tyler to Build an Ark.

2004-08-05T18:34:00.000-04:00

I Mean SERIOUSLY... I was at work the other day and the water... ohhhh the water... I knew what I had to do... 68 inches of rain in a week would NOT slow me down... I would build an ark out of the things I had soooo come to hate... tires. It's quite simple really... it would be more of a rubber floating barge than an ark. And... If I had enough time... I could even paint it to look like a gigantic monstrosity of a rubber ducky. Anywho... for those of you out of state and out of the loop... our city is flooding like a pad without ultra absorbant wings... omg that is so disgusting that i just thought of that. I have one more week of work left... ONE MORE WEEK. I must say... I had an EXCELLENT Boss... thank you rick sanders... thank you. I guess anything would come as a shock after my wonderful stay at the YMCA. No offense Jacki... Reggie... but... wow... management seriously? NO. Onward... Football... T minus one month and counting. I am "stoked." as my westcoast counterparts would put it. One sucky thing though... wearing ties in August... that is H- O- T- T HOTT! And I'm getting my apartment ready for school... new carpet and paint this week... if all goes according to plan... my new coat finally came after 3 weeks of dealing with america's great postal system... I must have pissed Newman off and he's holding a grudge... Neeewman. And i found my ZBT hat after like a month of lostness. What else... If anyone wants a 2001 red saturn "sport coupe" ... I dont'... so... take it off my hands... for the low price of 6999 DOLLARS. Not yen or pesos. I seriously had someone ask... We need better border control. The only way i would ever approve of people taking troops out of Iraq is if they moved them too the mexican border and said "FIRE AT WILL" I'm not racist... just... little bit tired of us letting EVERY stinkin mexican in and then NOT letting in the useful educated non welfare taking smarties from across the big blue atlantic. Speaking of the ocean... I want to learn to surf... when our beach house is done i want a surfboard and i'm going to learn. If someone wants to know how to snowski... we could trade off. hmmm thats bout all i got for now... we are moving to a rental house till our new one is done so... be advised that if u come over here next week or after and notice a stranger answers the door... there is a reason... btw... I am staying in my apt. for the rest of my life b/c i hate moving that much. so... whatever I gotta go... pack crap or something... holy hemhorroids this is long. YEAAAAAAAAAAH!

I'm back

2004-07-22T17:31:00.000-04:00

Well I haven't written in this thing for a while so I guess I'll catch up... start with a scary story... tuesday at work this guy was working on a machine with this knife and slipped and cut his nose really huge and it bled everywhere and I had to call the medical team... it looked like a murder scene. On a lighter note... i'm about to kill myself... I have to work 12 hr shifts saturday and sunday nite till 7:30 am... then i get to go back to day shift... less than 24 hours later... I love the tire factory. Ummm what else... finally found a roomate... never met him... hope he's straight... and has a hot girlfriend that's not really into him. She can stay over i guess. School starts back in 3 weeks... praise Jesus! No more work... back to play. Thats the coolest part about college is that school becomes the fun part and summer begins to really Blow. My birthday was last sunday... yeah i know... you totally forgot and you dont want to send me a late gift cuz u know i'll remember that u forgot and get pissed... but really i'll just be glad to get the gift so go ahead and send it i say. otherwise... ur an A hole for not remembering my bday! I'm 19... thats a big turning point in my life b/c... ummm... oh wait... 19 is a useless year... 20 i'm no longer a teen and 21... well... duh. But thats cool. If you would like to be the proud owner of a saturn... I wouldn't so we could work out a deal where u take my car and give me oh say... 6500 bux? ummm what else... I smell like tires... michelin sux... funny though... one of my bosses is a lesbo and she plays it off like no one knows about it... she's dating a bull dike forklift driver at work... its kinda scary. the dike i mean. She's actually not that bad lookin... for a woman in her thirties... but her...girl/boyfriend is uhhh... strong... more muscular than me... and has the same haircut as me. i gotta say... it looks good now that i see it on another person. hmmm what else... whitney hooked up w/ chris merritt... if u havent heard. hey whitney. dont be mad... just... get glad. i still love you. ummm sorry to all u ZBT's in clemson this summer... i've been trying to visit for the past month and have had something like 48 hrs of work get in the way every weekend. so... i'll see u soon either way. sorry to hear Oz isnt comin back. oh well... we can visit him and squeakys cup date at the same time. and ... thats about it... i'm out like a fag in a closet.

New... and improved... and... muy muy tired

2004-06-16T18:41:00.000-04:00

Soooo Yeah work is good i guess... I work with a bunch of old rednecks... but i'm seeing more and more hot college interns everyday so... yay... gotta love the female interest in industrial engineering. Today I made a 100 on the forklift test... the sad thing was the people that couldnt believe how smart i was... i mean cmon people... its not rocket science. Anyways... today was also day 2 at the gym... Michelin is paying all the college kids to work out an hour a day at the gym. Kinda nice... except the part where I'm out of shape and running like a freakin ostrich on the treadmill and regretting it when i get home and my legs throb with the pain of being a body builder. I'm already benching over 300 and doing 78 chin ups at the start of every workout so its all good. What else... Ummm I got a hair cut yesterday... first one since... ohhh... new years? I lost weight... seriously... I guess that's about it... just the usual workweeek. If u have something fun to do call me... otherwise I'm just gonna ... go have fun with out you. oh and before i go... here is my shout out to sean Luther who requested that I make a blog for him. His the bestest little damn yankee bleedin heart liberal I know. Call me luther... we can go grab a club sandwich at rockhoppers sometime.

I'm out... move it slow motion for me!

First of all... the mexicans...

2004-06-12T16:00:00.000-04:00

Well... Since my last entry ... a lot has happened... actually not much at all. I've been working from 7 to 3:30 at michelin everday. Brittany durham started the same day as me and we dont do jack crap... I run a machine for about 1.5 hours until I run out of stuff to put in it then they tell us to go stand there and watch this lady run a machine and "train." So... from around 9 to 3:30 all we do is sit on a bench and talk and take breaks... and get paid 10 bux per hour for it. Not a bad deal I guess but Britt's the only person under 30 there so... it gets boring. Starting next week I'm gonna get paid to workout at the gym for an hour a day... not a bad deal either... Now i should magically find the time to lose weight. Hmmm what else...Guess its time for me to tell you what the title of this entry is about... Skip and I were on our way home from painting a house when we pulled up to a stop sign behind a mexican couple on an old ghetto moped with an egg crate strapped to the back. This might not seem to funny to you but suddenly...without any warning... the mexicans fell of the moped and were just lying in the street with their horizontal 2 wheeler scraping the hot rough asphalt. Startled and humiliated... the young latin couple stood up after a short period of shock and remounted their rusty steed. They hopped on... Dusted themselves off and tried to play it off like nothing had happened. Skip and I are laughing our heads off the whole time mind you... Now as the couple sits their waiting to pull out the husband hits the gas and the scooter shakes violently and wobbles down the street nearly bucking them off again. At this point We have both nearly ruptured blood vessels from severe chuckling when the couple begins speeding off bouncing down the street. The Female Mexicano held her arms out flailing ... We will assume she was doing this to add balance and stability to the crotch rocket as they rode off into the sunset.

That's all I got for now... I'm having a surprise birthday party with Zach Head In july... Hopefully at Chuck E. Cheese's... its a surprise though so dont tell us about it.

Back from the Beach....again.

2004-06-08T20:44:00.000-04:00

Well... I'm back from the beach for the second time in a week. I had a really good time too. Lots of interesting stuff happened. Jess... Emma... Andrew... Are you still talkin? cuz all i'm hearin is blah blah blah I'm a drunk whore. We had fun... doin stuff liiiiike... feeding the monster carp fish at Broadway, eating out at a place with a shark in the roof, watching the Blue Angels do stunts over the beach, wondering what emily's cell phone bill is gonna look like this month... uhhh oh the lazy river... how could i forget the little kid that stalked me in the lazy river and was upset over 9/11 as if it had happened only yesterday... no seriously... it was really like he had just found out about it. I was like...holy crap... did ya hear about the black plague? terrible... it was just awful... all those poor people. not to mention the trojan horse... now thats history in the making. hmmm what else what else... OH... i hope redroof doesnt get mad cuz through a freak occurance... me and andrew's tv remote ended up in the toilet and now it no longer works. but thats ok cuz we left the cleaning lady a really cool coke can tower. it was like a whole case! not to mention what Dover and Jess and Casey and the old man made with the girls... it was truly an architectural masterpiece... from what i've heard... then the long ride home... with emily sleeping for 97 percent of it. And today i had my first day of work at Michelin where i read like.... a lot of boring crap and then had to go buy 100 dollar steel toe boots. what a rip off. anyways i'll be back there 7:30 tomorrow. gotta go.

I'm Baaaaaaaack

2004-05-29T16:33:00.000-04:00

Well I just got back from the beach today... It was pretty fun. Went crabbing... that's exciting... went kayaking... that's not... 4 hours of paddling against an ocean current equals about 100 feet of progress... a fairly stupid sport if you ask me. I got some sunburn... its starting to turn into a slight tan... you should see me now! I'm well on my way to taking brad pitt's job. I did get to eat a lot of fish... I heart seafood. I had probly like 5 pounds of shrimp, grits, grouper, salmon, crab, flounder...mmmm mmmmm my week was good. And i got some new land rover shoes.... they're cool... they say land rover... a lot cheaper than buying the camel chaser for 50 grand. and i got a new blue bathing suit... makes me look like a surfer... surfing... i'm thinking about taking that sport up... all the people at the beach had surfboards. I'd like to learn how to do that but the waves aren't really that big... seems a little dumb if u dont live in like hawaii or Austrailia or something. IDk. What else did we do... hmmm... went swimming in the ocean a lot... that is easy though since i'm half fish and all... went to downtown charleston. I have a new favorite store... M.Dumas and Bros. Everything in there is ridiculously expensive but the clothes are really nice and... with a name like dumas... you know your gonna be successful in pleasing your customers. anywho... O i also got a job at michelin so no more crying about unemployment. yaaaaaaaaay... 10 bux an hour too... beats minimum wage. aaaaaaanywho... I'm back in gvegas now and i miss all my homies... ya'll come see me... hopefully i'll be back at the beach next week after my tire training is complete... HOLLA!

Goin to Da BEAAAAAAAAAACH!

2004-05-22T13:22:00.000-04:00

Well...I am going to the beach so I might as well talk for a weeks worth right now since I won't be back till saturday. I hope everyone's summers are going good. I have spent the last 3 weeks looking for a decent summer job and will probably still be looking when I get home. If you know of somewhere I could work...Let me know cuz i swear I've applied at 20 places by now and haven't gotten a job. I think God just wants me to be poor so I will know what it's like. Anyways...I'm going to see my friends graduate from high school today... No offense guys... but thats gonna suck... graduations are sooo boring... i went 2 years ago... then i graduated last year... now i'm going this year for friends... and next year my sis graduates so i'll have to go then too. Then I'll just have to start going to college graduations all over again... its a vicious cycle I tell you. I think I'm just gonna skip my Clemson graduation... I mean... i'll borrow someones gown and take pics in front of Littlejohn just to pretend i went. That is assuming i ever graduate... I've changed my major like 3 times in the first year already... but i think i like where I am now sooooo who knows.

Im goin to the beach in charleston with my whole family... If any of you charleston folks wanna hang out gimme a call... i'll be at Isle of palms and its not exactly "The Strip" so i'll probably be looking for something to pick up the night life a little. Also... If i find a job I get to go to Myrtle beach next week on Senior week aaaaaaaand black biker week... I can pick up the young soon to be freshman girls and then ride around on the back of a Hawg with some dark skinned fella named tyrone. And I'll be stayin in a hotel with andrew who snores louder than a freakin chainsaw...I'll sleep in the bathtub as usual... with cotton balls in my ears. Fun stuff. Good Grief its Hot... I think they should make a rule that if you live in climates as warm as the carolinas...you shouldnt have to wear long pants and ties to stuff because you will sweat like a pig. It was like 100 degrees the other day and its only May... August is gonna suck balls... O well. I think I'm gonna run now... this is really long and i have to go get all purdied up for the big ceremony. I love you all... really I do... except for the ones I hate.... call me and we'll hook up. Peace Niggras.

Gettin' things started

2004-05-21T17:10:00.000-04:00

I felt kinda left out of the loop cuz everyone has these...so...I'm making one of my own. If I make fun of you...I still love you...don't be hurt... you know that's just how I am. If i Tell you I Hate you...I mean it...please don't talk to me from now on. No. seriously. I don't play around. It's all fun and games till one of you has to be a punk...and It is my sole responsibilty to call you out for it. Anyways... Congrats to all you seniors who will be moving into the fun world of college soon. I'm proud of some of you... Others... not so much... you should've just stayed in high school where you were cool.

Today is my 5th day being a cowboy and I gotta say...I love it... the hat goes really good with my tight jeans and striped shirts. Women dig it... even more than bullet wounds i think... I would still take a bullet for a beautiful woman though. Yesterday My cowboy skills were really put to the test as I had to ride my tractor around The Head's backyard with an unnamable girl in my lap... It was Emma... o crap. Disregard the name part. Even though we lost the drag race to the fourwheeler it was still a success b/c that crappy fourwheeler can't cut grass like our 15 horsepower Scott's Lawn Tractor did. Well... Thats it for now... lemme know if you wanna hang out or go swimming in my new neighborhood. Luv Ty. 275-3784